Random things I’ve learned – Volume 1

imageBeing on this earth for 32 years hasn’t left me with nothing. I’ve learned some shit! And I thought, being the caring individual that I am, that I’d share some of that shit with you! You’re welcome! So without further ado, here is volume one:
* Coffee is one of the greatest beverages ever invented.
* Wine is a close second.
* When you become a mom, you develop insane ninja skills. Like you could snatch up a kid as they are falling off the couch without even looking away from what your doing. THAT is ninja!
* Little boys are disgusting.
* It never fails that as soon as the kitchen is clean, someone is hungry.
* Shout is the best stain remover I’ve ever used!
* It’s depressing that I’m excited over stain remover.
* I haven’t had a good nights sleep in eleven years.
* Little boys think peeing in the toilet is merely a suggestion.
* Snacks are considered a food group when you have kids.
* Time flies when you don’t have very much of it.
* Chuck E Cheese is grooming our children for gambling addiction.
* The 90’s pop channel on Pandora does not disappoint.
* Especially when Warren G comes on when you’re loading the dishwasher #thuglife
* Having a nonverbal child is like playing a constant game of charades. And they are EXCELLENT at it.
* People say really stupid things when you tell them your child has autism.
* “They look normal.” is the most ignorant one.
* Crockpots are awesome. They combine being prepared and procrastinating into one handy appliance.
* Just make sure you spray that bitch with some cooking spray or it will take you actual days to clean it.
* I love the smell of clean laundry, yet I hate doing laundry.
* Good news is, they make candles that smell like clean laundry. Score!

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