imageBeing pregnant is amazing. It’s creating life. What starts out as a tiny little thing the size of a pea, will eventually be a walking, talking, eye rolling person. #sciencebitch

But while pregnancy is amazing, it also sucks. Some women will say it’s magical and they felt wonderful and they hardly gained any weight and they were in labor for five minutes and the baby came out with a halo of awesomeness.

We hate these women.#theycantsitwithus

I personally, was not one of these women. I’ve had three children and each pregnancy had their own brand of bullshit attached. While the general idea of pregnancy is awesome, the actual pregnancy isn’t always a walk in the park. It’s more like a waddle. Cause your fat.

My first pregnancy was pretty spectacular until the last two months. I had no morning sickness, which was terrific. Aside from crazy food cravings it was pretty easy. I gained about 45 lbs this time around and was super in love with my round little belly until I hit my eighth month. It was like I woke up and realized that I was over this shit and he needed to come out. Immediately. I couldn’t sleep, I was forever swollen and uncomfortable and I had to pee every four minutes. I was convinced he would be born on my due date because why would the doctor give you a due date if that wasn’t the case?? Yeah…that didn’t happen. He was born three days after my due date. And I was induced, in labor for 34 hours and after all the pain and contractions, I ended up having a c section cause he was just too big. 9lbs 6oz to be exact.


So what did I do? I got pregnant again of course.

I found out I was pregnant with baby number two when my first was seven months old. And while I love baby number two with all my heart, let’s call a spade a spade. He was an accident. I would never tell him that of course, but I definitely didn’t intend on getting pregnant again so soon. Let’s just say that’s the LAST time I get drunk on New Years!

Anyway, my second pregnancy was in some ways easier than the first. Mainly because I knew what to expect. When you’re pregnant for the first time, everything freaks you out. Because you don’t know any better. But this pregnancy had its hardships. I still had a baby to care for at home so resting was difficult. I only gained 18lbs with this pregnancy, but hadn’t had time to lose all the weight from the first one. I had slight morning sickness this time around and wicked awful heartburn. He was born exactly 15 months and 1 day after my first child, again via c section.

So there I was, with two babies under two and it was a shit show. I was twenty three when my second child was born and I had no idea what I was doing. As time went on, I found my bearings but it was tough. We went through all the milestones of having babies (teething, crawling, walking) and then started our autism journey. Baby number one was diagnosed two days before baby number two’s first birthday. Baby number two was diagnosed less than a year later.

Fast forward a few years and babies one and two are now three and four. Hubby and I are talking one day and think “hmmm if we want to have another baby we should do it soon. The boys are getting older and we don’t want there to be too big of an age difference.” It was a casual conversation, we didn’t carve any plans in stone. But three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with baby number three.

My third (and final!) pregnancy was rough. I had two littles to take care of and I had morning sickness throughout my entire pregnancy. I don’t know why they call it morning sickness cause it’s really all damn day and night sickness. I was exhausted, fat and nauseous pretty much the whole time. During my eighth month I started spotting so I had to be on light bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Baby number three was due on November 1st but was born October 13th, three weeks early. He was healthy and 8lbs 3oz. He was also delivered via c section and I decided to have a tubal ligation after he was delivered. I knew I didn’t want any more babies and I figured since they had me cut open already, it was a two birds one stone situation. Even in surgical situations, I’m very efficient.

imagePregnancy brings forth weight gain, stretch marks, swelling, constant urination, gas, crying, food cravings, insomnia, more crying, high blood pressure, nausea, heart burn and also the alien feeling of having a human being growing inside you. Like it moves around in there. But don’t worry, if you’ve seen the movie Alien, it doesn’t come out like that.

Even though those before mentioned side effects suck so hard, the end result is pretty amazing. You have a brand new baby in the world that you created. It’s awesome to watch them grow and develop into tiny humans. But the insomnia stays with you. I hear it’s for eighteen years. I’m on year eleven and so far, it’s true.

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