Keepin’ it clean

imageI have to clean my house.

I feel like I’m always cleaning something. Yet, everywhere I turn, there is more to be cleaned. It’s like there are dirt minions that crawl around my house at night and destroy everything while I’m sleeping.

Or it could be the “minions” that I gave birth to that fuck it all up.

I swear, as soon as I clean something, they are right behind me, tearing it up. Whenever I mop the floor, it rains. So muddy footprints get tracked in. As soon as I clean the kitchen, someone comes in and fixes a snack. As soon as I clean the bathroom…ugh I don’t even want to know what they do in there. Lets just say there is always a film of toothpaste on pretty much every surface and the toilet gives me nightmares.

I want my house to be clean all the time. But I would literally have to be standing at the ready with a broom, mop and dust rag at all times in order to do that. And how would I do the laundry?

Recently my dad offered to get me a cleaning service to come in and clean a couple times a month. It was such a generous offer and one I seriously considered but you know what? You have to clean for the cleaning lady. It isn’t so much that the house is dirty, as it is cluttered. And you have to remove all the clutter before they can come in and clean. So it really would be too much pressure and, after having a mini panic attack in my own head, I said thanks but no thanks.

I’m currently trying to train my children to do some shit around here. I’ve offered money in exchange for chores, which in my book is pretty cool. If I got paid to do all the stuff I do around here, it would certainly take the edge off.

These little knuckleheads are actually pretty decent at cleaning when they set their mind to it. But they of course have an attitude about it most of the time. I’ve tried to explain to them that if they learn these things now, they will get all the ladies when they grow up. Women love a man who can cook, clean and do laundry. 😉

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