We all have those days. The days where we can’t. We just…can’t.
Can’t is a shitty word and a shitty feeling. But we all fall prey to the “can’t” sometimes. My father once told me “If you say you can’t, you can’t try” and I remember I rolled my eyes and thought he should get a job with Hallmark. In my defense, I was an asshole teenager at the time. But there is some truth to that. Sometimes you have to put your big girl panties on (or whatever panties give you courage) and push through.
I fall prey to the can’t occasionally. It starts with waking up. I wake up exhausted and I have to get up, cause I have little people depending on me. But I still struggle because I just feel like I can’t. I want to stay in bed and sleep. Then I look around at all the stuff I have to do. Laundry, cleaning…it’s piling up around me. But I’m tired. And I just don’t want to deal with it. My nights end too late and my mornings start too early. By this time of the week I’m so exhausted that I feel like I just can’t.
Most days I push through my feelings of can’t and I find a way. But some days, I just give in and I take a day off. I do beat myself up over it. I feel guilty for not doing my domestic responsibilities. But I also know that I’m only one person. And I can only handle so much. So if I feel so strongly that I can’t, maybe I shouldn’t. The laundry and cleaning will still be here tomorrow. It’s not like anyone else is going to do it.
So today I am giving in to the can’t. I’m going to relax, watch tv, maybe even take a nap. I’m going to snuggle with my puppy and maybe take the kids to the park after school. I’m going to give myself a manicure and I’m going to eat the last Klondike bar because dammit I deserve it!