Being on this earth for 32 years hasn’t left me with nothing. I’ve learned some shit! And I thought, being the caring individual that I am, that I’d share some of that shit with you! You’re welcome! So without further ado, here is volume three:
* Losing weight is easier said than done.
* Because food is delicious.
* Mimosas are also delicious.
* And make it acceptable to drink in the morning.
* Two thumbs up for mimosas! 👍👍
* Homework is much harder than it was when you were a kid.
* Trying to help your kids with homework makes you feel stupid.
* Common core is the devil.
* So are state tests.
* Seriously government wake up!
* Your bed is the most comfortable when you aren’t supposed to be laying in it.
* But sometimes you just have to.
* Because adulting is hard.
* I recently bought a neck pillow. And it’s amazeballs. #oldpeopleproblems
* You haven’t had a rough morning until you’ve had three autism meltdowns before your first cup of coffee.
* Because we are out of goldfish.
* And because he was looking at me.
* And because my tshirt is itchy.
* Autism is hard.
* I have hundreds of Pinterest projects pinned that I will probably never do.
* But it’s the thought that counts!
* I love making things.
* But I rarely have time.
* Because kids.
* Laundry is never ending with a family of five.
* Pretty sure it regenerates on its own.
* Giving your kids electronic devices is dangerous.
* They google everything.
* Nothing inappropriate though.
* Although I’m sure that will come eventually.
* There is a Wikipedia page for pretty much everything.
* How did we find out stuff before the Internet?
* Just ran through my wedding vows in my head.
* Nowhere did it say I will always clean the kitchen.
* Does he know that?
* Playing Shake it Off by Taylor Swift at full blast is excellent punishment if you have sons.
* Especially if you yourself Shake it Off.
* They seriously hate it.
* Insert maniacal laughter here. 😈
* My birthday is a month away.
* I want twenty four hours of peace for my birthday.
* Or a new car.
* Or money. Money is always good.
* Birthdays aren’t exciting when you’re an adult.
* Because you’re getting older.
* More achy.
* More grey hair.
* Getting older is for the birds.
* People who are older than me are reading this and rolling their eyes.
* My kids have been fighting nonstop for the last five minutes.
* I’m just letting it run its course.
* Problem solving is a lesson everyone must learn.
* I may have to ground them.
* Oh wait I already did.
* For fucks sake stop the fighting!
* Guess it’s time for more Taylor Swift!