No girls allowed

imageI always imagined that someday, I would have a daughter. Each pregnancy I was convinced I was having a girl, until the ultrasound tech found a penis and crushed my dreams. #penisproblems

I love my boys and I love being a boy mom. I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy so I definitely speak their language. Lego’s? Star Wars? Superheroes? Baseball? Sign me up. I could do without the fart jokes and the pee all over the bathroom, but I guess it comes with the territory.

I don’t even really think about the fact that I don’t have a daughter. Much. Every once in awhile I will see a mother and her little girl out and about and feel a little pang of jealousy. I won’t ever have that mother daughter bond. I won’t have a daughter to impart my wisdom (or lack there of) or to get my nails done with. While I’m not a “girly girl”, I kind of wish I had the opportunity to explore that with a daughter.

I get asked all the time if I’m going to have another baby and try for a girl. First of all, with my track record I could probably have ten more babies and they would ALL be boys. Second, I had tubal ligation after I had my littlest little. So as my husband likes to say, “that situation has been tied up”. Third, I can’t afford another baby. I can barely afford the three I have. So yeah, no more babies for me.

In all honesty, I don’t want anymore babies. I’m stretched pretty thin with the three I already have. I couldn’t imagine having another. But occasionally I see an adorable pink and frilly outfit or a cute little girl that’s sassy (cause you KNOW if I had a daughter she would be sassy as hell) and I feel sad.

I’ve always been pretty close with my mom and it’s something I didn’t really start to appreciate until recently. My mom is an amazing woman and has always been there for me and my family. I don’t know what I would do without her. I have memories of botched hair dye escapades, pedicures, shopping trips, the time we tried the edible wax from the informercials that was really horrible, both taste wise and hair removal wise…I cherish those mother/daughter moments.

My only hope is that someday my kids have daughters so that I can have a granddaughter. And I mean way far away. Like at twenty years from now. Or more. More would be ok. I wouldn’t frown at more.

Until then, I’ll just be over here, surrounded by too much testosterone and farts. #boysaregross

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