I have a tendency to be a doormat.
It’s not intentional. I don’t enjoy being “walked all over”. But I’m a people pleaser and I have this irritating need to make everyone happy.
I suppose it’s one quality that helps me in my job. I can deal with some rude and/or difficult people, but I smile and do my best to make them happy. Even if I’m mentally flipping them the bird. 🖕
Being a people pleaser is exhausting. I spend a lot of time and energy ensuring that those around me are happy and taken care of. As a pseudo stay at home mom and housewife, that kind of goes with the territory. But the problem with this is, that it gets taken for granted. My family expects that I’m going to take care of everything because well, I do.
But what it if for some reason I can’t? Or I don’t want to? I feel that last one a lot. But I do it, because if I don’t, who will?
In the fifteen years I’ve been with my husband, I can count the times on one hand that he has gone to the store, done the laundry, taken a sick kid to the doctor or gotten the oil changed. He will ask me for things and even if it’s inconvenient for me, I will do it because I want him to be happy. But why do I do this? Is my sole purpose in life to ensure his comfort and happiness? Hell no. But I’ve established a pattern and it’s continued all this time.
It’s not like he’s a king and I’m a servant, although there have been instances where I have felt that way. He will do things for me on occasion. And he works hard to provide for our family, which I do appreciate.
But I feel like homemaking is something that is under appreciated. A lot of people view stay at home moms as lazy and that is just not the case. Sure, we have lazy moments. But we run this shit. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids…we take care of it all. We pay the bills, run the errands, taxi the kids around and some of us also have jobs outside the home. An article from Time shows the potential cost of hiring people to do what a stay at home mom does. But we do it for free and gray hair!
I need to do something to mend my doormat tendencies. I expel so much energy ensuring everyone’s comfort and happiness that I forget about myself. We all have to own our happiness and behavior. We make our choices and have to deal with the consequences, whether good or bad.