Fat girl problems

I came to a realization this week and it was not a pretty one.

I’m fat.

imageEarlier in the week I attended an awards ceremony at school for Middle and a friend of ours took a picture of the two of us. She later texted it to me and my jaw dropped. I’m fat. It was depressing.

I’m not blind. I own a mirror. I know that I’m overweight. But seeing myself in a picture really solidified that for me. And I’ve realized that I have to do something about it.

Between marriage, three pregnancies and a cross country move, I’ve gained quite a bit of weight. I’m probably carrying about eighty extra pounds. I don’t complain about it because I don’t do anything to prevent it or lose it. I eat like shit and I don’t exercise. I’ve just accepted it.

But after seeing that picture, I realized that I’m unhappy with being so unhealthy. I don’t feel good about myself. My body hurts all the time. I have no energy. And I hate looking at myself. It’s a true testament to how much my husband must love me because I can’t stand seeing myself naked, yet he still seems to enjoy it.

So I’ve made a decision that I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to take baby steps and move on to a healthier lifestyle. It’s going to be hard and I know I’m going to want to give up. But I’m going to try hard to reach my goals. I don’t want to be a stick or a specific size. I just want to feel better. I want to be able to look at myself with pride instead of shame.

I’m going to start slow. In the past, I’ve tried to give up too much too fast and I’ve ended up crashing and burning. So my first act in a healthy lifestyle is giving up soda. It may sound silly, but I love Coke. I drink at least one every day. And I KNOW how bad it is for me, but I drink it anyway cause it’s damn delicious. But I’m going to quit. That’s my first step. Once I master that, I’ll work on making dietary changes. The final step will be incorporating exercise.

And then I’ll take over the world!

I have to be patient and realistic in my goals. I’d love to diet for a week and lose eighty pounds. But I know that’s not reasonable. So I’m going to take my time and do it right. It took me roughly ten years to add on all this weight. Hopefully it doesn’t take that long to lose it!

Current me vs Eighteen year old me

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