Being on this earth for 33 years hasn’t left me with nothing. I’ve learned some shit! And I thought, being the caring individual that I am, that I’d share some of that shit with you! You’re welcome! So without further ado, here is volume four:
* Summer break is not for the weak.
* My kids are champion button pushers.
* And also champion complainers.
* Between the heat and the humidity, makeup is just a bad choice.
* It takes forever to fill water balloons, but only takes a few minutes to use them all.
* I have more than ninety nine problems and a bitch is several of them.
* They say money doesn’t buy happiness, but I’d like the opportunity to disprove that theory.
* Pajamas are the best.
* Air conditioning is the best thing ever.
* Love > hate.
* Mosquitos think I’m delicious.
* Giving up soda is easier than I thought.
* But it’s still delicious and I miss it.
* A cesarean scar is a friendly reminder that your stomach will never be flat again.
* Kids like to throw up on things that are hard to wash. #jerks
* When I take the time to write a grocery list, I almost always leave it at home.
* Netflix is awesome. You can watch several seasons of a show in one sitting without commercials. What’s not to like?
* Chris Cornell has one of the sexiest voices of all time.
* My dog may have a ton of bones, but she chooses to chew on leaves and sticks for reasons I’m unaware of.
* Lego’s will always find a way into the laundry hamper.
* Cicadas are fucking loud.
* It never fails that when I put gas in my car, it’s always cheaper the next day.
* I can walk into a room and forget why I’m there, but play a random song from 1986 and I’ll remember every word. #wtf