I love you, but I don’t like you

imageI love my kids very much. I’m so proud of them and I can’t imagine life without them.

But I don’t like them.

I mean, not all the time. Sometimes I like them, but more often, I don’t. I love them, don’t forget that part. But yeah, they aren’t always likable.

And I suppose in the grand scheme of things, none of us are always likable. I’m sure we all annoy the ever loving shit out of someone. But not liking my kids kind of makes me feel like a bad mother. Kind of.

See, I figure I’m human, so it’s ok for me to not be a “perfect” mom. It took me a long time to come to grips with this fact. I strived to be the perfect mom for my first few years of motherhood and it was hard. No one is perfect, even if they seem like they are on the outside.

But I also feel like I should like my kids, right? What kind of mother doesn’t like their kids?

This one.

I love their sweetness, their sense of humor and their ability to be loving when I know it’s hard for them sometimes. I love their creativity and I love their enthusiasm.

I don’t like their constant rambling, arguing, leaving messes everywhere they go, wrestling, screaming, peeing everywhere but the toilet, getting toothpaste literally all over the bathroom, eating every twenty minutes, “hey mom guess what”-ing or their constant complaining. Yeah I don’t like those at all.

But, as I’ve learned through my tenure as a mom, this is just part of the package. Not unlike me, my kids aren’t “perfect” either. They are just kids, being kids. That’s not an excuse to be an asshole though. That’s what I’m trying to get them to understand.

I absolutely hate the phrase “boys will be boys” or “that’s kids being kids” because I feel like that’s just an excuse for shitty behavior. It’s like when strangers see me out in public with my brood of crazy and say “gee you must have your hands full”, which is the polite way of saying “holy shit you have all these kids driving you nuts you must be crazy” but see no one will say that to my face. It’s the biggest duh on earth. Yes. My hands are full, my patience is dwindling and some days my eye twitches so frequently that I’m afraid it will never stop. Some days my life is the very definition of #momproblems.

imageWe are in the midst of our second week of summer break and I mostly have my wits about me. Mostly. I’m testing out this “take no shit” attitude towards them and I’ve been moderately successful. The good news is, that I’m working tonight. Which means I will be out of here for about three hours or so. It’s a necessary break, for me and for them. I’m sure they get sick of me, too. Although you’d never know it, since they are figuratively up my ass all day.

What can I say? The struggle is real.

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