Shit my kids say

imageSo I’ve been keeping a log of some random, weird and funny things that my kids say. Because sometimes it shocks me as soon as I hear it. So I compiled a little list for your entertainment and to bring truth to the fact that kids really do say the darnedest things!

Shit my kids say….

1. “Can I watch a whore movie?”
He meant horror movie and correcting him turned out to be a super fun conversation.

2. “When I grow up, I want an RV. That way I can drive while I sleep.”
Um, that’s not how it works. But I admire his thoughts of multitasking.

3. “My passion is video games. Mom’s passion is cleaning.”
Thanks son. Glad I’ve made a niche for myself in your universe.

4. “Even though I didn’t finish my dinner and I’ve been kind of a brat, can I still have ice cream?”
Sure. Why not? Oh that’s right. Repeat your words.

5. “I didn’t know I was supposed to wash behind my ears. I can’t see back there.”
Oops. My bad. I was under the impression that you could.

6. “Even though I know you’re the tooth fairy, do I still get my dollar?”
I don’t think you’ll get the same rush, but ok.

7. “Can I come to work with you? I’ll do all the work and you can just sit there.”
I gotta admit, I was pretty tempted by this one. But no. Work is where I go to get a break from you!

8. “You just had kids to make them do chores!”
Omg! You figured it out! I went through three pregnancies, three csections, stretch marks and a bunch of weight gain JUST so I could watch my tiny humans do chores. It’s all going according to plan!

9. “I’m Italian because I like meat.”
Umm not exactly….

10. “Why do you always buy so much groceries?”
Cause you people eat literally every twenty minutes.

11. “I wish I was an only child.”
We all do. Suck it up buttercup.

12. “Why do boys and girls have nipples, but only girls have boobs?”
Idk…Google it. Just kidding. Because. That’s why. 

13. “You don’t have a penis??? How do you go potty?!”
Learning girls don’t have a penis has to be a tough one I suppose. It really blew his mind.

14. “What does deez nuts mean?”
Oh sweet lord…why does society do this to me?

15. “Why does it matter if I’m clean?”
Well because it does. You don’t want to be the stinky kid. I have few rules when it comes to appearances. You have to be clean, your clothes have to be clean and they have to match. That’s it. Deal with it!

I hope you enjoyed the shit my kids say. I don’t always enjoy the shit they say, but I have to live with them, so I might as well document it and use it for potential embarrassment, right??


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