I see you

Iimage see you.

I recognize the haphazard ponytail on your head and the worry lines on your face.  I hear you pleading with your child to do a task that comes so easily to “typical children”. I see the frustration on your face when the mild refusal turns into a full blown meltdown. I see your glances to see if anyone is watching and usually, there is. I feel for you as your child throws himself on the floor, hands on his ears, because it’s just too much.

I see you, because I am you.

As parents, all we want is for our children to be happy and healthy. To grow and thrive and be the best version of themselves they can be. Autism has a tendency to throw a wrench into those plans.

Basically, autism is a jerk.

I don’t have any “typical” children, so autism is all I know. And a quick sidebar, I absolutely hate classifying children but unfortunately, it’s the world we live in.

We have days with no meltdowns and days with too many meltdowns and through them all my biggest question is why? Why is it so hard for my child to do seemingly normal things?

When he has these meltdowns my wish is that he could tell me. Tell me what’s wrong, why he just can’t handle the situation at hand. If I could understand, maybe I could help. I do my best but it’s really just a constant guessing game. And sometimes, we get tired of playing.

Oldest and Middle are more high functioning and now that they are older, they aren’t too difficult to handle. But Littlest can be a handful. A delightfully adorable but sometimes overwhelming, handful.

My hope for him is that we will find the tools to help break down the walls that autism has built around him. He’s already made such great progress this year. He’s using words! Not many, but I’ll take what I can get! Hearing him speak warms my heart so much. And I hope that it can only get better from here.

To all of my fellow special needs parents, know that you aren’t alone. It can sure feel that way sometimes. Remember the positives when the negatives seem to be breaking you down. Remember that you’re human and it’s ok to not always have the answers. To not always have patience. To get frustrated. Ask for help when you need it and take a break when you can. Learn to appreciate the little things and never give up hope.

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