In honor of Mother’s Day

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would share some things I’ve learned since I became a mom. I’ve been mommin’ for eleven years now and, while I’ve learned a lot, I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m keeping in mind that I will most likely have to pay for my kids’ therapy when they are grown up. #imaweebitcrazy

Anyway, here are 25 things I’ve learned since I became a mom:

1. Sleeping is a thing of the past. You will always be tired. And there is nothing you can do about it.
2. Being covered in a tiny persons bodily fluids is just another day at the office. #kidsaregross
3. Worried about those teenage years? Don’t be. The attitude actually kicks in around nine years old. Unless my son is just gifted.
4. You will reach a point, at least once, where you wonder if having kids was a bad choice.
5. Laundry. For days. It’s never done.
6. You will stick a pacifier in your mouth to clean it. It’s gross, but we all do it.
7. You will be excited over every achievement your kid gets. No matter how ridiculous. Oh! You didn’t pinch anyone at school today? Ice cream for everyone!
8. There is no torture like a teething baby. And to think…all that pain and in a few years they start losing them!
9. Speaking of, you’ll forget to play tooth fairy every now and again. Just play it cool. The tooth fairy is a busy lady.
10. Sometimes your only meals of the day will be eating whatever is left on your kids plate.
11. Sometimes you will go days without showering. It’s gross, but it happens. When you do finally get that shower though…#amazeballs
12. Christmas morning is all fun and games until you realize all of the toys need to be opened and assembled and also need batteries no one ever has on hand.
13. You will memorize the theme song to all of their favorite shows. They will get stuck in your head and it will be awful.
14. You’ll also learn the names of all the super heroes/Disney princesses or whatever else your little one is into.
15. You’ll call your kids by the wrong name, pretty much all the time. They even get called the dogs name sometimes.
16. Your child will always fall asleep in the car when your less than five minutes from home. Once you get home, they will wake up like they had a full nights sleep. #whatstheirsecret
17. Goldfish crackers are always the answer.
18. Running errands with your kids will feel like you ran a marathon. You will need a nap, coffee or a cocktail as soon as it’s over. Maybe all three.
19. If your child can’t sleep, neither can you.
20. Halloween, birthdays and Christmas are year long conversations. Doesn’t matter how near or far they are. It’s May and my kids have already decided what they want to be for Halloween. They will change their mind at least forty seven more times though.
21. You will learn to administer medicine like a boss. Or you’ll learn killer wrestling moves to pin your child down while you force feed it to them. #itsjustadviljeez
22. Your kids will ask you inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times in the most inappropriate places. Guaranteed.
23. Your kids will think your ancient, even if you aren’t. Middle was surprised to learn that alarm clocks existed when I was a kid. #oldpeopleproblems
24. Your child will bring home homework that makes you feel stupid.
25. As much as these little people can jump rope with your last nerve, you will love them unconditionally and be proud of everything they do. Being a mom is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I’ve ever had. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Although I wouldn’t mind getting more sleep.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! I hope you have a wonderful day and that you are spoiled. Spoiled as in taken care of, not spoiled as in ruined. Just wanted to clarify that!